I'M BEGINNING TO WONDER IF I WAS DRUGGED

2010~ I recently learned from my soon to be ex-husband's roommate that I was being drugged with his meds in order to make me compliant and not leave. I was not myself. I lost touch with everything that I loved...my friends, grand daughters and dogs,

BLEEDING HEARTS: NINE AND A HALF WEEKS INTO INFINITY

IT WAS AUGUST 28, 2008

THE TURNING POINT OF MY LIFE.



I could never imagine what would follow.
THE SKY FELL DOWN ON ME........


MY HUSBAND GAVE ME THIS BEAUTIFUL ENGAGEMENT RING FOUR MONTHS INTO OUR MARRIAGE. I WAS SO EXCITED...EVEN THOUGH HE FOUND IT ON THE FLOOR OF HIS GARAGE WHILE HE WAS CLEANING IT.

He also made a bid on Norman Tauger's Boonton Township home that was valued at $1,400,000 after he had already terminated his position with the corporate world. He followed up with the broker with such tenacity, paying thousands of dollars towards the purchase.... in such belief that a purchase was really going to occur.

NINE AND A HALF WEEKS INTO INFINITY

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NOTORIOUSLY, I LOVE PEOPLE FOR THEIR WEAKNESSES
NOT THEIR STRENGTHS







ILLUSION, DELUSION, CONFUSION.........WHY I MARRIED
IT MUST HAVE BEEN LOVE
BUT IT'S OVER NOW

THE TWO MEN







HOW WAS IT FAIR? I LEARNED MY GRANDFATHER ON MY PATERNAL SIDE, MORRIS FEILER COMMITTED SUICIDE ON JUNE 20TH, 1948. I WAS BORN JUNE 20TH, BY CESARIAN SECTION...WHAT WAS MY DESTINY? HOW SARDONIC OF MY MOTHER.

MY FATHER DIED WHEN I WAS 11, OH YES, I FOUND HIM, SO I THOUGHT.... ABANDONED AGAIN.




THIS WAS THE BEST TIME OF MY LIFE. VISITING MY UNCLE GEORGE AND MY COUSINS SONDRA AND MEL FEILER. THEY LIVED ON NORTH CLINTON STREET IN EAST ORANGE, NEW JERSEY. MY DAD IS CENTER IN THIS PICTURE. IT WAS TAKEN IN FRONT OF UNCLE GEORGE'S AND AUNT MAE'S GROCERY STORE PROBABLY, ABOUT 1957. IT WAS SO GREAT WE COULD WALK FROM THEIR HOUSE NEXT DOOR TO THE GROCERY STORE TO GET CANDY!




I vividly remember this car....It was rich Uncle Louie's wife's car. When my mother didn't want it anymore she just gave it away.




SO YOU SPEND YOUR DAYS THINKING, ANALYZING, REHASHING, DREAMING AND THE ANSWER IS STILL NO.
How can you make sense of no sense? I did it to protect siblings. I put myself in the line of fire to protect...again and again and again...Where do you go when you believe your options are dead ended? UP AND ABOVE because logic but more importantly survival takes over. WHAT I LEARNED TODAY IN UNEQUIVOCAL TERMS.........
DIVORCE~ 07/30/09






I CAME HOME EVERYDAY FROM WORK AFTER CRYING AND TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO MEND THIS MARRIAGE.
ON AUGUST 6TH 2009 I ASKED MY HUSBAND EVERY CONCEIVABLE QUESTION......

HE SAID," IT COULD NEVER WORK"...CRUSHED I WAS, UNTIL I REALIZED THAT HE WAS CORRECT....WHERE WAS I GOING?
HE WAS THE OTHER HALF. I TRULY NEVER LOOKED AT IT FROM A PERSPECTIVE THAT HE WAS TO BLAME.....



THAT WAS MY TURNING POINT



SPUMATO / CURA (CURE)






ARRIVEDERCI IL MIO MARITO CARO ...... VI AMERÒ PER SEMPRE, NELL'INFINITO




I said to my "soon to be ex-husband" just today 08/04/09... Don't worry, things are just things. I've lost much more...

My little dog is in heaven, my family is scattered, personal items stolen .... I am still standing. I have had an education relative to the human race comparable to nothing anyone could image...... YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE AND SO DO YOUR CHILDREN...your actions will echo into INTERNITY.....







Mammy rest in peace 07/31/09

WHEN JUDGEMENT ERRS AND.................

^CLICK ON NEXT CHAPTER^



ON AUGUST 19TH 2009, I SHED ONE BLUE TINTED TEAR

I HAD REMOVED MY DAUGHTER'S KIND WISHES FOR A "HAPPY ANNIVERSARY: ON AUGUST 30TH WHEN I HEARD IT FOR THE FIRST TIME...